How and Why to Find Sober Roommates in Raleigh

Your home life plays a big role in your recovery journey. A house full of anxiety, drugs or alcohol, or unpredictability can break down the most resilient of people; however, a safe and supportive family environment provides individuals with the space to develop and thrive. This is why so many individuals in recovery seek out sober living environments or try to find roommates with a shared interest in a clean and sober lifestyle.[1]

A residence with individuals who respect and understand the concept of sobriety offers far more advantages than just avoiding temptation.[2] The household supports individuals through various forms of accountability, friendships, and a feeling of having common goals. Individuals in recovery generally understand the struggles of the process and therefore provide companionship during daily challenges.

To better comprehend the differences between a sober house and finding sober roommates, understand that sober houses are designed to assist individuals who are in early stages of recovery from addiction. They are typically staff-supervised and have established rules and guidelines.

When you rent a house or apartment not officially structured as a sober house, it is important that both you and at least one other individual place a high value on being substance-free. Although both options can assist in maintaining long-term sobriety, they meet two different sets of needs.

Raleigh has numerous resources available to support recovery, making it relatively easy to establish a true support system based on sobriety. Regular meetings, peer-based groups, and sober living environments are examples of resources available to assist you in establishing relationships with individuals that share similar objectives as yours.[3]

Ways of Finding Sober Roommates in Raleigh

Attend Sober Recovery Meetings & Events

People attending meetings like Alcoholics Anonymous (AA), Narcotics Anonymous (NA), SMART Recovery, and Celebrate Recovery have chosen to work toward their sobriety. It’s very common for individuals to connect with other people who live by the same set of rules and schedules, and therefore may become an easy choice to cohabitate with. However, before signing a lease with anyone, it’s best to spend some time learning about each other. The easiest way to do this is to attend several meetings together, talk about what you expect from each other, and see how each person reacts under stressful conditions.

Sober Living Homes

Many people will utilize a sober living home as they transition from structured treatment center living to independent living. A sober living home provides structure that encourages networking with others who have been through the recovery process themselves. Additionally, many sober roommates meet each other in recovery houses and establish trust prior to establishing their own sober house.[4]

Local Organizations Focused on Recovery

Community centers for recovery, peer support groups, and local events are all good ways to meet new friends that focus on sobriety. Volunteering with one of these organizations can give you access to potential roommates and provide you with an opportunity to contribute to the recovery community.

Online Roommate Search Websites

Online search sites can be helpful in finding a sober roommate, especially if you cannot locate any potential roommates locally. Websites like Roomies.com and Roomster.com have filters to allow you to select specific characteristics and lifestyles of potential roommates. Craigslist.com and Facebook Housing groups can also be used, with cautionary measures in place.

Sober Living Homes vs. Sober Roommates

A sober living home will normally have rules (for example, a curfew), will have some type of random drug testing, has staff available to supervise you at all times, and is set up for you to participate in recovery programs. A sober roommate situation would be one where the house members create their own rules, can live with much less structure than in a sober living environment, there is no required drug testing, and members are expected to manage their recovery by themselves.

Newer people in recovery that need a lot of support and accountability often thrive in a sober living home. People who are further along in their recovery, know what works for them, and can manage their daily routines without needing a structured sober environment to help guide them often prefer to find another person (or persons) they consider to be sober and rent together, as opposed to entering into a sober living program.

How to Find a Good Sober Housemate

Recovery Objectives of the Other Members in the Household

You’ll want house-mates who respect your recovery, share similar lifestyle expectations, and bring a supportive attitude into the household. It is also important that all members are committed to the lifestyle expected of recovering individuals.[5]

Compatible Daily Habits

Having compatible daily habits (sleeping hours, visitors, cleanliness, pets, smoking, etc.) will greatly reduce friction due to these issues. This will avoid bigger disputes later on.

Stable Income & Reliable Rent Payment History

It’s very important that your new housemate has a stable job or steady income, a good rental history, and knows how you plan to split bills.

Good Communication Skills

Good communication skills matter too. Being able to talk through conflicts with honesty, reliability, and a willingness to resolve things will help keep the household running smoothly, especially when recovery-related challenges come up.

Questions to Ask Before Living Together

A short checklist can help you screen potential roommates before making a commitment:

• Are you currently in recovery?
• How long have you been sober?
• Is alcohol allowed in the home?
• How do you handle visitors?
• Are overnight guests okay?
• What is your cleaning routine?
• How are household expenses divided?
• What happens if someone relapses?

Red Flags When Looking for Clean and Sober Roommates

Red flags that should be taken into serious consideration before you agree to have this person as a roommate include: active substance use, frequently hosting parties, being unemployed or inconsistent in their work schedule, not wanting to discuss what you expect from them, having no one available who can vouch for the individual (references), a history of trouble paying rent on time, disinterest in your recovery, and refusal to participate in creating house rules.

Creating a Recovery-Friendly Home Together

Once you find a good roommate, it will take work to create a recovery-friendly home.[6] The house should have clear rules and hours for being quiet in the house. Some things to consider putting in place:

• The home is a place where no alcohol or drugs are allowed.
• There should be a policy on who visitors are allowed to see when they visit.
• Everyone shares some of the responsibilities of keeping the house clean.
• It is helpful to keep your routines and recovery times private.
• It is best to support each other as friends instead of trying to help with someone’s addiction, because this can cause tension in the relationship.

Raleigh’s Options for Finding Sober Housing and Sober Roommates

Recovery Organizations in Raleigh

There is a wealth of options available to the Raleigh community by way of connecting with AA groups, attending local NA meetings, joining SMART Recovery groups, or participating in many other types of peer support groups located around Raleigh.

Resources for Recovery-Friendly Housing in Raleigh

You can find sober living directory listings, behavioral health service provider referrals, case managers, as well as recovery coaches, that will assist you in locating recovery-friendly housing in Raleigh and/or finding sober living roommates.

Networking Opportunities in Raleigh Community

Attend recovery-based events, participate in volunteer opportunities, join wellness groups, and attend an alumni recovery program (if one is available), among other options — all of which provide excellent ways to meet people who are working toward their own long-term sobriety.

Tips for Successfully Living with Sober Roommates

Monthly house meetings, communicating early in a dispute, and respecting each other’s boundaries are all key to keeping your home from becoming unmanageable. Celebrating each other’s recovery milestones is also a great way for you and your sober roommates to stay close, and healthy routines like sleep hygiene can help keep your home a supportive environment rather than one of tension.[7]

Conclusion

Having the right roommates can help provide you with the strength and support needed for long-term recovery in ways that are often difficult to see until after you have experienced them yourself. Strong social support during recovery is something that research has shown to be beneficial, and having a stable household that provides a supportive living environment is one of the most obvious ways to develop this support within your own home.

There are several ways to find sober-living communities or other resources for meeting others who share similar values about recovery in Raleigh, including sober living houses, sober living communities, peer-based organizations, and online housing platforms. It is recommended to take some time when selecting housemates and make sure you establish what will be expected of each other at an early date.

Frequently Asked Questions About Finding Sober Roommates in Raleigh